The Rocky Horror Pie Show
by Blood-Sucker-1428
Summary: Well... This is basically the songs of Rocky Horror changed to pie related lyrics. My friends and I wrote it when we were hypo one night. Very silly, makes me laugh. Rated K, wasnt sure what to rate it. PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Science Kitchen, Double Pie

**The Rocky Horror Pie Show: Written by Blood-Sucker-1428, Little Rocky and Mr Hand (it's a girl)**

Disclaimer: I dont own any of the Rocky Horror Picutre Show songs or rights, it all belongs to the oh so great Richard O'brien and Twentieth Century Fox. I have a few of there cd's and 2 dvds, but thats it.  
**  
Author's Note: 'Little Rocky' and 'Mr Hand' are nicknames I or Mr Hand have given my friends (see profile). This is is basically the songs from the Rocky Horror changed to be about pies. Please don't be to mean, I will take any criticism as long as its too help me improve. I will update if enough people review and like it. Also if anyone has any suggestions for the chorus of Sweet Tranny I would be greatful and fully credit you for it :)! Hope you like it!**

**Science Kitchen, Double Pie**

Michael Rennie was ill the day the Pie the Cooled Down  
But he told us where we wait  
And Flash Gordon was there with a silver fork  
Claude Rains loved the invisible pie  
Then something went wrong, for Fay Wray and King Kong  
They got caught in a banana cream pie.  
They ate a deadly piece, It Came From The Kitchen  
And this is how the recipe ran:

Science Kitchen, Double Pie_  
_Dr. X will bake a pie  
See androids eating Cherry and Banana  
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Pie  
Pie-ie-ie-ie-ie-e  
At the late night, double serving pie show.

I knew Leo G. Carroll was over a barrel  
When Tarantula took to the kitchen.  
And I really got hot when I saw Jeanette Scott  
Eat a pie that had essence of vanilla  
Dana Andrews said prunes gave him the runes  
And passing them used lots of recipes.  
And When Pies Collide, said George Pal to his bride  
I'm gonna give you some delicious pie, like a:

Science Kitchen, Double Pie_  
_Dr. X will bake a pie  
See androids eating Cherry and Banana  
Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Pie  
Pie-ie-ie-ie-ie-e  
At the late night, double serving pie show.  
I wanna a taste Pie-ie-ie-ie  
To the late night, double serving pie show  
bake by a chef Pie-ie-ie-ie  
To the late night, double serving pie show  
In the bakery Pie-ie-ie-ie  
To the late night, double serving pie show.

**Author's Note: Sorry if the spellings weird, I'm from Australia so... :)**


	2. Dammit, Janet, Lets Eat Pie

**Disclaimer: I dont own any of the Rocky Horror Picutre Show songs or rights, it all belongs to the oh so great Richard O'Brien and Twentieth Century Fox. I have a few of there cd's and 2 dvds, but thats it. GO RICHARD!  
**  
**Author's Note:**** 'Little Rocky' and I wrote this one and scif-fi, Mr Hand didnt help till Time Warp. This ones not as good as Science Kitchen, I was actually cracking up while I wrrote that one. This one? not so much. Yet again I will take any criticism as long as its too help me improve. I didnt get that many reviews (only two) but I sent them to Mr Hand and she said I should post the next one. Thankyou Dove Sparrow-Swann and Malicious Magenta for the reviews, you really boasted my confidence****. And again if anyone has any suggestions for the chorus of Sweet Tranny I would be greatful and fully credit you for it :)! Hope you like this one, Im nervous...**

**Dammit, Janet, lets eat Pie**

Brad: Hey, Janet.

Janet: Yes, Brad?

Brad: I've got something to say

Janet: Uh-huh?

Brad: I really love the . . . skill full way.  
You beat the other girls  
To the recipe.  
The crust was thick but ate it (Janet)  
The recipes is ours, so let's make it (Janet)  
So please, don't tell me to can it.(Janet)  
I've one thing to say and that's  
Dammit, Janet.  
Lets eat pie.

The cream was filling but I ate it. (Janet)  
There's a fire in the kitchen and you fan it. (Janet)  
If there's one cook for you, then I am it. (Janet)  
I've one thing to say and that's  
Dammit, Janet.  
Lets eat pie.

Here's the pan to prove that I'm no joker.  
There's three ways a pie can cook.  
That's yum, yuk, or mediocre  
J-A-N-E-T lets go eat some pie!

Janet: Oh, it's nicer than Betty Munroe cooked! (Oh Brad)  
Now we're chefs and I'm so glad (Oh Brad)  
That you cooked for mom and you know dads recipe (Oh Brad)  
I've one thing to say and that's  
Brad, I'm mad,  
For your pie

Janet: Oh Brad.

Brad: Oh, Dammit.

Janet: I'm hungry.

Brad: Oh, Janet!

Janet: For pie.

Brad: I'm hungry too.

Both: There's one thing left cook.

Brad: And that's go see the man who began it! (Janet)  
When we met in his cooking exam-it (Janet)  
Made me give you the dough and then panic (Janet)  
Now I've one thing to say and that's  
Dammit, Janet,  
Lets eat pie.

Dammit, Janet

Janet: Oh Brad, I'm hungry.

Brad: Dammit, Janet.

Both: Lets eat pie.


	3. Over At Frankensteins Kitchen

**Disclaimer: I dont own any of the Rocky Horror Picutre Show songs or rights, it all belongs to the oh so great Richard O'Brien and Twentieth Century Fox. I have a few of there cd's and 2 dvds, but thats it. GO RICHARD!  
**  
**Author's Note: THIS IS THE PLAY VERSION! not the movie version, I did this one coz it had another verse (sung by Brad) .I wrote this one by myself. Again I will take any criticism as long as its too help me improve. I keep telling myself, dont post a new chapter until more people review but I cant help it****. Hope you like!** PLEASE review, I need reviews!

**Over At Frankenstein's Kitchen**

In the velvet darkness of the blackest kitchen  
Burning bright there's a guiding pie  
No matter what or who you are

There's a Pie  
(Over at Frankenstein's Kitchen)  
There's a Pie  
(Burning in the oven)  
There's a pie, pie  
In the darkness of everybody's hunger.

I can see the oven, I can see the beater  
Just the same there has got to be  
Something better tasting here for you and me

There's a Pie  
(Over at Frankenstein's Kitchen)  
There's a Pie  
(Burning in the oven)  
There's a pie, pie  
In the darkness of everybody's hunger.

The aroma must go  
Down the river of night's hunger  
Flow aroma slow  
Let the pie and recipe come streaming  
Into my kitchen, into my kitchen

There's a Pie  
(Over at Frankenstein's Kitchen)  
There's a Pie  
(Burning in the oven)  
There's a pie, pie  
In the darkness of everybody's hunger.


	4. Pie and Cheese

**Disclaimer: Nothing of The Rocky Horror is mine. It's all Twentieth Century Fox's and Richard O'Brien's. Yay for Richard!**

**Author's Note: I wonder if people read this… hmm… This is rather soon and no ones reviewing but I wanted to post this one before I go on band camp next week. I know Pie and Cheese seems disgusting but my friend Mr Hand was going around singing it on New Years Eve so I asked her if I could throw it in the song, obviously she said yes. MORE REVIEWS PEOPLE!!!! I'll be your friend if you do:)**

**Pie and Cheese:**

It's Astounding  
Pie is cooling  
Hunger takes it's toll  
But listen closely  
Not for very much longer  
I've got to eat some pie

I remember  
Eating a pie  
Drinking those moments when  
The Pie would hit me  
And the my stomach would be calling

Let's eat some Pie and Cheese.  
Let's eat some Pie and Cheese

It's just a bite of the Pie.  
And then a nibble of cheese  
With your hands on the plate  
You bring fork in close.  
But it's the cherry pie  
That really drive you insane

Let's eat some Pie and Cheese.  
Let's eat some Pie and Cheese

It's so dreamy  
Oh pie free me  
So you can't see me  
No, not at all.  
In another Dimension  
With voyeuristic flavours  
Well secluded, I've eaten all.

With a bit of a Pie Flip  
You're into the Kitchen  
And no food can ever be the same  
You're spaced out on the cherry  
Like you're under sedation.

Let's eat some Pie and Cheese.  
Let's eat some Pie and Cheese.

Well, I was walking down the street, just a eating some pie,  
When a snake of a chef gave me an evil piece,  
It shook-a me up, he took me by surprise,  
He had a bakery shop and the Devil's kitchen  
He gave me a job and I felt a change.  
Other Food meant nothing never would again.

Let's eat some Pie and Cheese.  
Let's eat some Pie and Cheese

It's just a bite of the Pie.  
And then a nibble of cheese  
With your hands on the plate  
You bring fork in close.  
But it's the cherry pie  
That really drive you insane

Let's eat some Pie and Cheese.  
Let's eat some Pie and Cheese!

**Author's Note: Bah! Sweet Trannie next and I am still having trouble with the chorus. Mr Hands like "No its fine, leave it. They will love it!" I would love any suggestions at this point in time thanks! Please…..**


	5. Sweet Head Chef

**Disclaimer: Nothing of The Rocky Horror is mine. It's all Twentieth Century Fox's and the lovely Richard O'Brien's.**

**Author's Note: Here it is, the one I've been dreading to put up. Bare with me people, the chorus isn't great and I just got back from camp so I'm too tired to fix it. The Head chef part fits in with a part in a later song if I can remember it correctly, but the rest, it's… okay… It's how we origianly wrote it but we were hypo and thought alot of things were funny but they aren't. I would just love reviews to boast my confidence in this song! This is by Little Rocky and myself. ENJOY!**

**Sweet Head Chef:**

How d'ya do I  
See you've met my fateful  
Pastry Chef  
He's just a little  
Brought down because  
when you knocked  
He thought you were the  
Critique man.

Don't get strung up  
By the way I look  
Don't judge a cook book by it's cover  
I'm not much of a cook  
By the light of day  
But by night I'm one hell of a chef

I'm just a Sweet Head Chef  
From Transpieual, Piesylvania

Let me show you around  
Maybe give you a taste  
You like you're both pretty hungry  
but if you want something visual  
That's not too abysmal  
We could cook you an old Steve Reeves recipe

Well I'm glad we caught you at home  
Can we use your kitchen?  
We're both a little bit hungry.  
Right.  
We'll just say where we are,  
Then go back to the car  
We don't want to be any worry

Well you got caught without a pie, well  
How bout that?  
Well, babies, don't you panic.  
By the light of the night, it'll  
All seem alright.  
I'll get you a satanic baker.

I'm just a Sweet Head Chef  
From Transpieual, Piesylvania

Why don't you stay for the night?  
(night)  
Or maybe - a bite.  
(bite)  
I could show you my favorite- obssession  
I've been making a pie  
With gold crust and a base  
And it's good for relieving my- hunger

I'm just a Sweet Head Chef  
From Transpieual, Piesylvania  
cook it, cook it  
I'm just a Sweet Head Chef  
From Transpieual, Piesylvania

So- come up to the kitchen  
And see what's in the oven  
I hear you stomach rumble with antici- pation.  
But maybe the rain  
Is really to blame  
So I'll remove the crust  
But not the filling!

**Author's Note: YAY THAT ONES OVER!! Don't get me wrong, I found it fun to write but the chorus has been bugging me and it has stopped me from writing the next song and starting a Riff and Mag thing that has been in my head for over a month now! Review please!**


	6. The Spatular of Damocles

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights or to the Rocky Horror, they are all the lovely Richard O'Brien's and Twentieth Century Fox's. I am just a kid mucking around with her hero's songs.**

**Author's Note: I know, it's early, but I can't help it! These are so fun to write! Okay, in my opinion this is better than the last song. I've worked quite a bit on this one, it was rather hard because before I had the memory of what Little Rocky and I did when we were mucking around, this time I could only remember one or two things so this is mainly my own. This was a fun one! Enjoy! Oh and more reviews would be nice thanks:)  
PLAY VERSION!!!  
**

**The Spatular of Damocles**

Frank: Hoopla! …Trow open the switches on the sonic oven… and step up the reactor heat input three… more… points

Janet: Oh Brad!

Brad: Im hungry too, Janet!

Frank: Oh! Rocky!

Rocky: Ughhh!

Riff Raff: Ahahaha!

Rocky: The Spatular of Damocles is hanging over my head  
and I've got the feeling someone's gonna be slicing the pie  
Oh! Woe is me, my pie is a mystery  
and can't you see  
That I'm at the start of a pretty bad taster

I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed  
(That ain't no pie!)  
And left from my kitchen was a taste of unnameable dread  
(That ain't no pie!)  
My pie is low, I'm dressed up with no place to cook  
And all I know  
That I'm at the start of a pretty bad taster

Oh no no no  
(Sha la la la that ain't no pie)

Rocky Horror you need a peace of pie.  
I want to tell you that you're doing just fine.  
Your pie's a product of another time  
So tasting bad, that ain't no Crime.  
(That ain't no pie-ie!)

The Spatular of Damocles is hanging over my head  
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be slicing the pie  
Oh! Woe is me, my pie is a misery  
And can't you see  
That I'm at the start of a pretty bad taster

(Sha-la-la to end)

**Author's Note: Tell me what you think people! Thank you!**


	7. I Can Make You A Pie

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights or to the Rocky Horror, they are all the lovely Richard O'Brien's and Twentieth Century Fox's. I am just a kid mucking around with her hero's songs.**

**Author's Note: I quite like this one! This one is just by me!! Please R&R! I haven't been getting many reviews! Enjoy! Done to the sound of my Roxy Cast CD as it is the play version and my London Cast doesn't have this song on it :'(!  
PLAY VERSION!!**

**I Can Make You A Pie **

Frank: He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval -  
A bad chef weighing 98 pounds  
Got sand in his face  
when kicked to the ground  
His girl split on his pie  
And soon in the kitchen  
The sweat from his pores  
As he cooks for his cause  
Made it glisten and gleam  
And with pastry and cream  
The crust was thin but quite clean  
It was a good pie

**All:** But the wrong pie

**Frank:** He cooked nutritious High-Protein  
And beat with the best eggs  
Tried to build up base,  
It's sides, top and fillings.  
Then a magazine advert with a new cooking plan  
(said)

**All:** In just seven days I can make you a pie-ie-ie-ie-ie.

**Frank:** He'd done rolling and stirring  
Cook and clean. Had a Taste  
Thought dynamic cooking just must be a catch  
So he re-read the advert to see how it ran

**All:** In just seven days I can make you a pie-ie-ie-ie-ie.


	8. Hot Potato

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to the Rocky Horror, they belong to the lovely Richard O'Brien and Twentieth Century Fox. I am just a kid mucking around with her hero's songs. **

Disclaimer: Wow, I forgot about this. I was suppose to add one every week…. Woops. Oh well. This is one of my best ones again. This was done by Little Rocky, Mr Hand and myself. I love this one tell me what you think. R&R.

**Hot Potato/Whatever happened to Saturdays Pie**

Whatever happened to Saturday's Pie?  
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright  
It don't seem the same since Cosmo's pie  
Came into my life- I thought I was divine

I used to go for any chick who'd go  
And bake a pie in the kitchen  
A Shepard's pie was baking on a cooking show  
You'd put the pie in my oven and really have a good time

Hot potato, Bless my soul!  
I really love that Apple Pie!  
Hot potato, Bless my soul!  
I really love that Apple Pie!

(sax solo)

My head it used to swim from the pie I smelled.  
My hands kinda fumbled with her white plastic fork  
I'd taste her baby pink cherry and that's when I'd melt  
She'd whisper in my ear tonight her pie really was mine

Get back in front and put some olive oil on  
Buddy Holly was cooking his very last pie  
With your arms around your girl you try to eat along  
It tastes pretty good, you had a really good time

Hot potato, Bless my soul!  
I really love that Apple Pie!  
Hot potato, Bless my soul!  
I really love that Apple Pie!

(repeat to fade)


	9. I Can Make You A Pie Reprise

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own any of the rights to the Rocky Horror, they belong to the lovely Richard O'Brien and Twentieth Century Fox. I am just a kid mucking around with her hero's songs. **

**Author's Note:**** This is just a quickie so I will post another one sometime in the week. This is on the favourite and alert list of a few people and only one of them is reviewing so I would appreciate Reviews. Thankyou and Enjoy. This one's just by me.**

I Can Make You a Pie (Reprise)

**Frank:** But a cream pie and a cherry.  
A hot apple and a banana.  
Makes me, oooh, hungry,  
Makes me want to take Charles Atlas's pie by the ...ha-ha-hand.  
In just seven hours, ... oh, baby ... I can make you a pie.  
I don't want no dissention, just dynamic cooking.

**Janet:** I'm a pie fan.

**Frank:** In just seven hours, I can make you a pie.  
Eat it if you can  
In just seven hours, I can make you a pie.


	10. Once After A Pie

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own anything Rocky Horror related, it all belongs to my dear Richard O'Brien and Twentieth Century Fox. I am just a girl mucking around with her hero's songs.  
****  
Author's Note:**** This one is done just by me because we aren't fond of this song so we never went over it. Enjoy, Please R&R!**

**  
Once After A Pie**

Once after a pie she don't want to call you  
Speaking on the telephone  
And once in your life, she don't want to know your pie  
You look around  
The pie you cooked,  
It is gone.

And that's all the time that it takes  
For a pie to turn to cold  
The sweeter the pie, the harder to bake the pastry  
You hear something about someone's recipe  
You'd thought you'd known

So baby don't cry like there's no pie tomorrow  
After the cooking, there's a brand new pie  
And there'll be no pain, and no more sorrow  
So eat your cake, and phone my place,  
It'll be ok.

And that's all the time, that it takes  
For a pie to be heated again.  
So give me a sign that a pie tastes good  
You look around, the one pie you cooked  
Is back again.


	11. Feeda Feeda Feeda Feed Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Rocky Horror related, it all belongs to my dear Richard O'Brien and Twentieth Century Fox. I am just a girl mucking around with her hero's songs.**

**Author's Note: Sorry, I know it's been a while but I totally forgot about this! This one's mainly by me but has parts that were done by Little Rocky. Hope you like it! REVIEW!!! Ooh, also I would like to say thankyou to all the people that have put this one their favourite or alert list, it means a lot to me that you find this funny. Thankyou! ****Feed Me**

I was feeling hungry  
Couldn't eat.  
I'd only ever drunk before  
(You mean she?  
Uh-huh)  
I thought there's no use getting  
Into heavy eating.  
It only leads to trouble and  
full stomaches.

Now all I want to know  
Is how to eat  
I've tasted pie and I want more  
(more more more)  
I'll put up no resistance  
I want to stay the distance  
I've got an stomach to full  
I need assistance

Feeda Feeda Feeda Feed Me  
I wanna eat a pie  
Thrill me, Chill me, Fill me  
Creature of the Kitchen!

Then if anything bakes  
While you pose  
I'll get a fork and eat it all  
(all all all)  
And that's just one small fraction  
Of the main attraction  
You need a pastry chef  
I need filling.

Feeda Feeda Feeda Feed Me  
I wanna eat a pie  
Thrill me, Chill me, Fill me  
Creature of the Kitchen!

Feeda Feeda Feeda Feed Me  
I wanna eat a pie  
Thrill me, Chill me, Fill me  
Creature of the Kitchen!

Feeda Feeda Feeda Feed Me  
I wanna eat a pie  
Thrill me, Chill me, Fill me  
Creature of the Kitchen!  
Creature of the kitchen  
Creature of the kitchen  
Creature of the kitchen  
Creature of the kitchen  
Creature of the kitchen  
Creature of the kitchen  
Creature of the Kitchen!

Creature of the Kitchen!


	12. Eddie's Pie

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own anything Rocky Horror related, it all belongs to my dear Richard O'Brien and Twentieth Century Fox. I am just a girl mucking around with her hero's songs.**

Author's Note: Wow, sorry it's been so long. I haven't had time for any writing lately. I will try to start updating regularly again. Pease enjoy and review:D

**  
Eddie's Pie **

From the day he could eat pie  
He was trouble  
He was the sour taste  
In his mother pie  
She tried to cook him pie  
but he never caused her  
Nothing but shame  
He left home the day he ate her pie

From the day her pie was gone  
All he wanted  
Was Rock-n-Roll, porn  
And a shepherds pie  
eating up junk food  
he was a low-down  
cheap little punk  
Tasting everyone's pie

When Eddie said he  
Didn't like his pie  
You knew he was a no good kid  
But when he threatened your life  
With a plastic fork  
What a pie,  
makes you hungry  
And it did.

Everybody shoved him  
I very nearly cooked for him.  
I said "Hey listen to me  
Stay sane inside pie eating"  
but he locked the kitchen door and  
Threw away the key

But he must have been drawn  
Into some pie  
Making him warn me  
In a note which reads  
what's it say, what's it say?  
"I'm out of my head  
Oh hurry or I may be dead.  
They mustn't start to bake their evil pies"

When Eddie said he  
Didn't like his pie  
You knew he was a no good kid  
But when he threatened your life  
With a plastic fork  
What a pie,  
makes you hungry  
And it did.


	13. Flavour Schmavour Janet and Hot Pie song

**Disclaimer:**

**  
****Flavour, Schmavour, Janet and The Hot Pie Song **

I've baked the pastery, it should be all you need.  
You're as good a cook, as a pencil.  
Wound up like egg that's scrambled.  
When we made it, did you hear the timer ring?

You got a oven, well take my advice.  
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.  
The transoven ya will seduce ya.

**Janet:** My beater! I can't move my beater!

**Dr. Scott:** My spatula! My God, I can't move my spatula.  
**  
Brad:** It's as if our utensils are glued to the spot!  
**  
Frank:** They are! So quake with fear you tiny waiters!  
**  
Janet:** Oh, we're trapped!

**Frank:** It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind pie can be nice!

**Dr. Scott:** You won't find earth people quite the bad cooks you imagined. This sonic transoven, it is I suppose some kind of audio vibratory physio molecular cooking device?  
**  
Brad:** You mean?  
**  
Dr. Scott:** Yes Brad, it's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time but it seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it. A device, which is capable of breaking down solid pie matter and then projecting it threw pastery and who know, perhaps even flavour itself.

**Janet:** You mean he's going to turn our pies into a different flavour?

**Frank:** Flavour Schmavour Janet!  
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.  
You'd better wise up, built your pies up.  
You'd better wise up.

**Criminologist:** And then she cried out!

**Janet:** Stop!

**Frank:** Don't get hot and burnt! Use a bit of custard!

**Dr. Scott:** You're a pie but you'd better not try to eat her, Frank Furter.

**Janet:** You're a hot pie--


End file.
